Rogers, over and out

When I moved into my last place, a few of you may have been on the receiving end of my 45 minute account of trying to get a working home phone.

It began with Rogers Home Phone service and ended with tears, fisticuffs, and the adoption of a Bell Mobility cell phone as my primary phone of choice.

The story was pretty entertaining -- especially if you didn't have to live through it.

Flash forward to February 2008, the year of the Rat, and cable installtion.

The FIRST cable installer arrived, as planned, on Monday. I'll admit it. I didn't pay a lot of attention to him.

While he was working away at installing my cable, I was simultaneously working on assembling my (insert epithet here) bed with my BFF, who was in a time crunch.

Life lesson one: always pay attention.

When Cable Guy said he was done, I believed him. Besides, I flipped over to Cable Pulse 24, saw the traffic on the Don Valley Parkway, and knew he was a man of his word.

Next morning, I get up, go to close the door to my little storage area and realize that Cable Guy has run the cable through the door.

That's right. I can't close the door properly, because there are two gigantic (yes, they become bigger upon retelling) cables snaking through the open door.

So I get on the horn to Rogers. I get Mr. Rogers. Seriously. This guy is employee of the year. He loves his job and will go to the mat for his installers. I kind of liked him and loathed him at the same time.

I tell him my dilemma and ask him to send an installer out to correct the problem.

"Can do," says Mr. Rogers, "but we'll have to charge you the $39.95 installation charge to send someone out."

"Are you kidding me?" says I.

"Not kidding," says he.

The conversation goes back and forth for about ten minutes before Mr. Rogers exhaustedly says, "Look, what do you want me to do here?"

Anyone who has ever been in an intimate relationship with someone can recognize that this is the moment of imminent victory.

"Simple," I said. I want you to waive the $39.95 and send someone out here with one of those super-size drills to run my cable wires through the baseboard and not under my (insert epithet here) door."

"Fine," says Mr. Rogers, resignedly.

"And I promise," says I, "that I will tell anyone who listens what fab service you are providing." (Insert applause meter here.)

So, yesterday afternoon the SECOND INSTALLER arrives, by way the Kremlin.

He arrives, looks at the wires, gets a phone call, and tells me he'll be back in 15 minutes.

An hour later, he's back.

Super size drill works like a charm. It looks like an ice fishing auger. I'm thinking if I ever wrote a horror movie, super size drill would figure largely as a torture device.

Anyway, he finishes and little birds are tying bows in my hair.

That is....until I turn on The L Word at 10 p.m.. I flip channel 41 and realize that Cable Guy #2 has accidentally downgraded my cable package, so I am no longer getting the channels I requested.

For the love of God.

So I call that irritating voice-activated system at Rogers yet again. You know the one, where they ask you what you are calling about and you need to give clear one or two word instructions to be directed to the right department.

I always say, "real human."

Anyway, the real human was able to restore my correct cable package in real time. So my blank screen became The L Word, right before my eyes.

So endeth the Rogers saga...happily resolved. Yet another reason to never, NEVER move again.

***

Very fruitful trip to Home Hardware yesterday. Bob Vila, any opinions on the FlexStone and FlexRock products at Home Hardware? They have one product that replicates granite, and likes like it might be fun to try. It reminded me of my short-lived Podge period in the nineties.