Happiness is...

Happiness isn't getting what you want.
It's wanting what you get.

It's taken me four decades on this little blue green planet to figure out the wisdom in these words. I've spent a lot of years trying to mold situations and people into my image of them.

Didn't work. Never will.

So I started detaching more. Became less invested in the outcome that I decreed, and became more in tune with the miraculous moment by moment play that is this precious, individualized life we're given.

Listened more. Talked less.

Enjoyed the moment. Trusted that the universe was looking out for me. Slammed fewer doors.

And holy cow. Something incredible happened. Happiness rang my doorbell and came right in.

Not every day is fa-la-la-la, but most days are. And the ones that aren't, well....they pass.

So that's my wish for you, this holiday time. Whatever you celebrate, and with whomever you're with, may you have peace today and always.

And when happiness rings your doorbell. Let it in.

Roses are Red

I took a taxi home from a lovely Christmas party on Friday night. When I got in the taxi, the driver asked, in heavily accented English, whether I'd like to hear a poem he'd written.

"Well, actually," I said, looking at the snow covered streets, "I'd prefer it if you concentrated on the road."

"It's okay," he said, "I memorized it."

So he proceeds to recite his poem, which went something like:

Your eyes are like two pools
Your mouth is like pillow

"Is it pillow or pillows," he asked.

"Pillow," I responded, getting into the spirit of the thing.

He continued:

Your heart is like the blanket that wraps around me on a cold day.
Your hands are soft like the air.

"Nice use of simile," I intoned from the back seat.

"Your voice is like the sound of angels in the sky," he continued.

"What do you think," he said, after rhyming off a few more stanzas.

"That's great," I said, encouragingly, imagining the positive response he'd get from the subject of his poem. "If you don't mind me asking, who's it about?"

"Nobody," he said.

Shuffle

1. Put your iPOD on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this, as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Bella Donna -- Stevie Nicks

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Come in from the Cold -- Joni Mitchell

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
You Can't Get a Man with A Gun -- Ethel Merman

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Love Comes Quickly -- Pet Shop Boys

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I'm Losing You -- Kate and Anna McGarrigle

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Wrong to Love You -- Chris Isaak

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Defying Gravity -- Wicked

WHAT IS 2+2?
Like Someone in Love -- Bjork

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Radio Song -- REM

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mean to Me -- Crowded House

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Music -- Madonna

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Moratorium -- Alannis

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Po' Lazarus -- James Carter and the Prisoners

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Kiss You Off -- Scissor Sisters

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Written in the Stars -- LeAnn Rimes

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Folsom Prison Blues -- Johnny Cash

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Fare Thee Well Love -- Rankin Family

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Shadows -- Rufus Wainright

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Big Spender -- Shirley Bassey

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Love Changes -- Stevie Nicks

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
High Flying, Adored -- Sondtrack to Evita

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Hello Mr. Heartache -- Dixie Chicks

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
When Two Worlds Collide -- John Prine with Trisha Yearwood

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Girlfriend is Better -- Talking Heads

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Beautiful Child -- Eurythmics

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Sexy Single -- Anastacia

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Dirty Little Girl -- Elton John

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Sweet Hour of Prayer -- Iris Dement

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Only One and Only -- Gillian Welch

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Lose My Breath -- Destiny's Child

What's Hot in Britain

I'm pleased and proud to be your source for all things hot and not in Britain.

Hugh Grant. HOT. He's everyone's favourite tousled Brit. Every night I was in the UK, a different Hugh Grant film was playing on the telly. I re-watched About a Boy, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, and Love, Actually. Surely there must be another actor in Britain?

Mincemeat Tarts. HOT. Quite inexplicably, there is no meat in mincemeat. Rather, there is an assortment of chopped, dried fruit, packed into tiny tart shells. Isn't that a little like making Fruit Flan from pork sausage?

X Factor. Simon Cowell must be richer than God. His UK edition of the reality talent search X Factor ended the night before we arrived. Alexandra Burke was the winner. Her version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah is the top selling single and download in the country.

Drunk Tents. NOT. A sure sign of Christmas at busy commuter stations in London is a drunk tent. No kidding. So common are public displays of inebriation, that they regularly set up field hospitals to deal with the truly inebriated.

Pip Pip and All That

My flight from London was delayed for three hours, so I arrived home at 3 a.m. this morning. I turned up to work bright and early, too, because we had some bad news while we were away. Thirteen more of our colleagues were let go in the latest downsizing exercise.

A week before Christmas.

Yup.

The Convent of Too Much Fun

There's a wonderfully kitschy bar on College Street with an infamous midnight drag show. It's called El Convento Rico. Translation: The Convent of Too Much Fun.

That pretty much sums up what my weekend is going to be like.

Fun and frantic.

I'm leaving at noon today to pick up my Mother and my Aunt.

My Mother comes from a small northern Ontario city. My Aunt is coming from an even smaller, even more northern town.

It's bright lights, big city. A whistle stop at Over-Stimulation Station. Woo Woo!

We're spending the afternoon at the mall, and tomorrow we're going to see The Sound of Music on stage. It's my way of expiating all my negative karma in this lifetime.

There's nothing that card-carrying members of the Catholic Women's League like more than a spirited version of Sound of Music. I've already primed them: 1) Do not sing along with the performance 2) Those people can actually hear you, when you talk about them.

Ah yes, these are a few of MY favourite things.

After the play, we'll grab a bite to eat, then I have to drop them back at the bus, rush home, grab my suitcase, and head out to Pearson.

I'm off to London -- England, not Ontario -- where I'm celebrating the holidays by contemplating the finer points of legacy giving for a major international development charity.

I'm planning to come back with an accent. Just like Madonna.

The best medicine

David Sedaris was funny. Really funny.

And from our spot in the fourth row, centre, we could see him smile wryly as he read. He's got the shy, observant neurotic down pat.

Massey Hall was full. It has a seating capacity of 2,800, so that's a lot of people to come out to see a humourist.

At the end of the reading, he took some questions.

What I really wanted to ask him -- and I didn't -- was whether he'd come to work with me today and pretend to be my best friend. That would have been the best. Could you imagine me going from office to office saying, "Ya, um, just wanted to introduce you to my best friend. Maybe you've heard of him. He's DAVID SEDARIS!"

Ya. Don't think I'm cool enough to pull that one off.

Neurotica

Tonight David Sedaris is reading at Massey Hall. I got my BFF tickets for his birthday but it's one of those under-handed presents that I'll probably enjoy more than he will.

Sedaris is a master of sardonic wit and, from what I can tell, has an eternal love-hate relationship with the human race. Mostly love, though.

When I saw him at a local book store a couple of years ago, he took time to meet and talk to anyone who had the patience to stand in line. He was a smoker at the time, so he'd periodically apologize to the crowd, nip out for a butt, and return to his place at the table.

I waited patiently for him that night. Probably a couple of hours. But it was worth it. We had a moment.

Everyone was given a sheet of paper on which to print our names, to expedite the process of inscribing our books. I'd written my ex's name on the sheet.

"Are you 'L'," Sedaris asked me, when my turn came for the audience.

"No," I admitted. "I'm Franny. "L" is my partner, and...well...we had a fight. It was my fault, so I'm getting this book signed as a gift."

"Whenever Hugh and I have a fight," he said, referring to his boyfriend, "I feel awful for days afterwards."

"I know how you feel," I said.

We exchanged a few other pleasantries, while Sedaris signed the book. Then he gave it back to me.

As I was walking away, I opened it up to the inscription.

He had written:

To "L"
Franny fucked up.
David Sedaris

No Accidents

Have you wondered about the role that fate plays in the people who populate your world?

Here in Canada, for example, leadership of the Liberal Party is being duked out by two fellows who just happened to be roommates in university. They were best friends. Now bitter rivals.

What force put them together, and intertwined their fates for years to come?

I've been getting to know a new friend with a bright and shiny heart recently.

Last night, over dinner, we discovered that we'd both been at a Michael Palin reading on the U of T campas, maybe 6 or 7 years ago.

It was a fairly obscure event, not particularly well-advertised and not even particularly well-attended. Yet me and this person who has come to populate my world, were both there at the same time. And we were both similarly dumb-struck in front of our comedic idol.

And then there's the Rickie-Lee Jones concert I attended with my best friend at Massey Hall back in the 80s. We were both in university at the time. Fast forward more than twenty years and I discover that my ex was there, too. Also sitting in balcony. Similarly awed by an incredible performance.

Lesson?

Maybe it's pay attention to the people who circumnavigate your personal globe. They're here for a reason. Treat them kindly. Learn from them.

Someone -- not you -- is in charge of the master plan.

Little Gems

I love writing for Canadian Tourism because when I do, I get to talk about some of the hidden gems you only know about when you actually live in a city. Places like Urban Herbivore.

For the vegans among us, Urban Herbivore in Kensington Market is one of those places you only dream about. You can eat ANYTHING on the menu. And it's served up, with love, by folks who look like they really couldn't work anywhere else, except maybe a record store. Guys who have ear plugs like a Masai warrior, and girls covered in full body tattoos.

It's one of my favourite places to go on winter weekends, because they serve up a killer Sweet Potato and Date muffin, and a cup of ginger green tea, with tons of real ginger floating in it. If I get there before the sweet potato muffins come out of the oven, I can be fairly happy with the Apple Walnut, as well.

After that, it's only a short walk down the street to The Blue Banana. This is shopping at its finest. Dozens of tiny shops under a single roof. I bought the cutest boiled wool wrap skirt there a couple of weeks ago, made entirely from recycled fabrics. If you like the One of a Kind Show, you'll like The Blue Banana even more, since it's year-round and free to browse.

But you'd be remiss for leaving Kensington Market without poking around one of the areas many vintage clothing stores. I've always had a lot of luck with Exile, but I think that's because the staff is incredibly friendly, and I feel like I'm having a visit, and not just shopping.

I was in on the weekend, because I'm putting together an outfit for our Christmas Party this week. The theme is old and new Hollywood, and I was looking for a crinoline to match my vintage 50s cocktail dress. Not only did I find one, but it's hot pink and matches the hint of pink on the gown. Score!

And another thing...

The next time I have my teeth cleaned, would you remind me not to apply lip colour before I go in. Otherwise, I might end up looking like Carol Channing again.

Canadian Political Leadership is an Oxymoron

I've been hiding my eyes and cowering behind the settee as our ridiculous politicians duke it out for the role of school yard bully.

I say, fire them all. And I have a few suggestions for who could replace them.

Ann Murray. This Canadian songbird understands the Canadian identity (think "Snowbird"), plays a killer game of golf, and has East Coast roots, which probably means she'd stop to help us start our cars if they stalled in winter. A vote for Ann Murray is a vote for Canadiana.

Michaelle Jean. Sure she's our Governor General, but she's a lot prettier than the other candidates in the pool, and she's proven she likes a good documentary. Jean was just one of the reasons I watched The Passionate Eye with a certain amount of religious fervour.

Steven Page. This lead singer of the Barenaked Ladies, who was unfortunately busted for cocaine possession about the same time his children's album came out, would at least have the manufactured energy for the job. Plus, who can get his "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" song out of their heads.

Pierre Trudeau. Do you actually have to be alive to be Prime Minister? I don't think so. Have you seen Stephane Dion recently?

The Jonas Brothers. Want leaders that will get the kids excited? Marketing idea: a kissable ballot.

First things first

There's no getting around. Christmas is coming, whether you're ready for it or not.

This morning, my office building hosted their annual Thank You breakfast. As testament to our city's multiculturalism, Santa weighed 90 pounds and hailed from Ho Chi Minh City. God, I love this town.

Like you, I have a billion things to do before the holidays.

There seems to be a party every other night and the projects on my plate have really ramped up recently. Plus, I just found out I'm travelling for work again -- which really cuts into my present-buying time.

I know from experience that competitive deadlines can make me a little crazy. While my first instinct is to rush wildly in a million different directions, I really just need to breathe deeply and do one thing at a time.

Focus. Practice mindfulness.

It's not the activity that makes the difference. It's my attitude to the activity.

Ho. Ho. Ommmmm.

Fairytale of New York

Part Christmas Carol, part cautionary tale, here's a song that not only makes laugh, it makes me want to floss. You won't find the Pogues lead singer's ugly mug in The Big Book of British Smiles anytime soon.

Happy Christmas.

Observing World AIDS Day

Since today is the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day, "Happy" would definitely be the wrong greeting to put in front of the title.

HIV stands for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus -- the virus that leads to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS).

HIV attacks the body’s immune system, our defense against infection and disease, and weakens it over time. A person who has HIV gradually loses the protection of his or her immune system and begins to experience health problems. These may be fairly small problems at first – skin problems or yeast infections – but over time the illnesses become more serious. The amount of time that it takes HIV to begin to affect a person’s health varies widely from one individual to another.

When a person is diagnosed with one of the serious illnesses or cancers which are “AIDS-defining,” the person is then said to have AIDS.

Since the early 1990s, the rate of new HIV infections has declined among men who have sex with men and among injection drug users. This is good news.

But in contrast, infections arising from heterosexual contact have risen steadily, from 13% in 1993 to 43.8% in 2003. And the greatest increase in new infections has been among young women, aged 15 to 29. At present, heterosexual transmission accounts for nearly 75% of all new infections in women.

Physiological differences between females and males – sex - place women at greater risk of infection. But social roles and cultural expectations - gender - are critical factors in women's heightened vulnerability to HIV infection. Because women often have less power - social, economic, political - than men in our society, it can be difficult or even impossible for many to refuse sex or negotiate safer sex.

Gender roles and stereotypes also hinder women's ability to manage HIV and AIDS-related infections. Women diagnosed with HIV tend to, according to Health Canada "have a lower survival rate than men" in part due to "late diagnosis and delay of treatment because of misdiagnosis of early symptoms; exclusion from drug trials and lack of access to antiviral treatment; lack of research into the natural history of HIV in women; higher rates of poverty among women and lack of access to adequate health care; and the tendency of many women to make self-care a lower priority than the care of children and family."

While women as a group are more vulnerable than men to HIV infection and AIDS-related illnesses, some populations of women face significantly greater risks. For example, HIV affects more than twice as many Aboriginal as non-Aboriginal women in Canada. As elsewhere in the world, women in Canada who are most disadvantaged and marginalized are also most vulnerable to HIV.

On the whole, policies and programs aimed at HIV prevention, treatment, care, support and impact mitigation have not focussed on, nor - in some cases - even taken account of the differential needs of women and the gender dimensions of the epidemic.

If you've made it this far, I'd encourage you to observe World AIDS Day by seeking out and supporting an organization committed to providing support for some of the more marginalized members of our society.

In Toronto, three excellent organizations that I know of are: Voice of Positive Women (www.vopw.org), The Teresa Group (www.teresagroup.ca) and Casey House (www.caseyhouse.com).