Here's a lesson in aversion for you. I don't like Heathers.Naturally I'm referring to the clique of girls in the 1989 cult classic of the same name and not to actual women named Heather -- many of whom I like quite a lot.
I've been thinking a lot about Heathers, because we've got a budding group of them here in my office.
A small group of girls, led by one particularly strong and troubled one, are noticeably distancing themselves from everyone.
They sit together in group meetings and whisper together, even when our GM is talking. They lunch together, apart from the crowd. When someone who is not a part of the group approaches them, they stop talking. And last week at our off-site bowling activity, they kept to themselves, never mixing with the group. It was a little uncomfortable.
Let me be clear, here. People of like-minded interests have every right to form groups. It's natural selection, for god's sake. But this goes beyond. There's an element of judgement and intolerance to these Heathers.
Add to this a conversation I recently had with someone in a group to which I belong. Whether it's happening as she sees it or not, she feels that she's been wrongfully excluded, even bullied. She's suffering quite a lot over it.
I'm tremendously sensitive to this sort of thing because I'm by nature inclusive, and I honestly can't stand the thought of anyone feeling hurt and excluded.
I desperately want to "fix" it.
But I realize that I'm powerless over how others behave.
Sure there are laws to protect people if actual discrimination is taking place, but I can't make people behave nicely to one another. I can't demand morality.
We're all responsible for our own karma. Even Heathers.
4 comments:
All I have to say is one word: highschool.
You know what I would do?
I would call it. Call it in front of everyone at a regular weekly meeting if you're still having them.
In Obama's words "the state of the economy calls for actions bold and swift".
If others in the office notice, if some are feeling hurt or 'bullied', then stand up and speak to those in front of everyone and say what you just said in your blog.
Ask yourself "what would Obama do?" :)
Also being an "includer", I'm sure you know how I feel about stuff like that - and I've used the same H-word that Barb did to describe similar situations.
Some people never get past that mentality and need that sort of environment in order to feel power. They get their power from exclusion rather than inclusion.
I'd say you try to break down the group - because those who aren't the leader are probably easily influenced.
Barb's right. Highschool. I've seen it too. The group forms usually based on gossip or criticism of others. It's a form of "us versus them."
I am sensitive to it becuase where I grew up in NY there was the "in" crowd and the "not so in" crowd. There we multiples of theses; jocks, drinkers/partiers, druggies, good looking, smart, etc.
My crowd became the guys who fit in parts of these other group - but never completely - except for the smart and druggies group, and probably the good looking group too.
Weird to see that in the office.
Seen it before. Had a guy who was the ring leader and turned a decent group of people against the management. I wound up having to fire him because of he was a "counsellor" to others on what they should say and how they should act. It was very destabilizing. My mistake was not firing him sooner. I let it go on so long that the others we infected with the "us versus them."
It turned into second guessing everything and when asked to do something they did exactly what was asked for - a form of staged protest.
I too have the "disease" of inclusivity. I want to make everyone part of the decision and feel a part of the team. But I also realize some people just want to be led and be told what to do. It's too much for them to be part of the decision. I learned this the hard way too.
I dislike bullying too. You can "judge" a person how they treat "smaller" people - and you can assume they will probably treat you that way too when you are "down" or when they no longer need you.
Go over to the group when they are meeting and sit right in the center and say, "Hey. How are you all doning! You look like you're having so much fun." And just sit there. Do this every day and it will really annoy them. You'll get a charge out of it too.
Ok. That last part was my disease. I like to annoy annoying people.
Good Luck
quite frankly i think importing christian slater is a much better solution.
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