Big time sensuality

"It takes courage to enjoy it.
The hardcore and the gentle."

So sings Bjork of Swan dress fame. Courage is an interesting word for it.

I've been thinking a lot about sexuality recently - my own and other people's. And thinking is probably what's getting me in trouble.

Maybe I should do it more and think about it less.

I watch with awe as many of my close friends romp with abandon. Yesterday I had two conversations with two entirely different people about their freewheeling sexual escapades.

I want to go to there. I don't judge them. I'd actually like to be them.

I wish, wish, wish I could feel physically free enough to have casual, consensual sex but I feel physically and emotionally blocked when I even think about it.

I don't know if it was repeated viewings of Audrey Hepburn in A Nun's Story as a child, the Scottish Presbyterian influence of my albino great grand parents, or that I'm just one of those animals in the zoo who mates for life.

I'm about as likely to become polyamorous as I am to become a professional hockey player/serial killer.

The thing is that once you do get me in bed, I'm all yours. 110% of flaming Scorpio passion. There's nothing I won't try.

But getting there means I need to trust you emotionally before I let you in.

This kind of nips one night stands in the bud.

The couple of times I've tried it without the emotional connection was about as erotic as doing it with a bug zapper.

I'm actually thinking that I might do well with taking one of those "Learn to strip so you can do it for fun and profit" courses at some safe space like the Women's Bookstore.

It couldn't hurt to unlock my inner passion. Plus, they'll probably serve tea and sandwiches and let me keep my Blundstones on.